My Story

People often ask how I got involved with coaching women affected by genital herpes. I was diagnosed with the virus in 1994, when I was sixteen years old. In 2002, I learned that I had actually been misdiagnosed. I spent those eight years before 2002 sorting through the same confusion and misinformation that so many people who are diagnosed with herpes face, including the self-esteem and relationship issues that many people with herpes struggle with. At times, it had been very difficult for me emotionally; but I eventually discovered hope and the answers I needed. In fact, before I found out I was negative, I had become so comfortable with having herpes that most of my friends knew about it. I was even dating someone I had recently told. Finding out that I didn't have herpes might have changed my knowledge of my viral status, but herpes had been part of my life for so long that its impact on who I had become was here to stay. Through my work as a coach, it has been a priority for me to help others who have been diagnosed with herpes gain accurate information and to rebuild their self-esteem.

If you'd like to know more details about my story, please continue reading.

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In 1994, at 16 years old, I experienced some uncomfortable symptoms that led me to a clinic that supposedly treated STIs. I had just come out of a relationship with someone who I discovered I didn't know as well as I thought, and I had a suspicious feeling that the symptoms might be related. The doctor entered the room, did a very quick visual exam, and abruptly announced that I had herpes. I began to cry and asked if he was sure. He said, "99 percent," and he left the room. He was cold and I felt judged. I was ashamed and felt my life was over. When the nurse came in, she said she didn't really know anything about herpes but that I would have it forever. Then she gave me a prescription for Valtrex.

I was devastated. This was not supposed to happen to me. -- I was a good girl! I made a mistake! I did not live the life of someone who gets STIs. -- These were all the thoughts that were going through my mind. I didn't think I would ever find someone to love me, and I didn't think I would ever have sex again. It was the most painful experience I had ever gone through emotionally.

After that doctors visit, I went to my own doctor's office for a second opinion. They told me it was possible that it wasn't herpes and ran tests for all the other STIs as well. All my other tests came back okay but my tests for herpes were inconclusive because the tests back then were not very reliable. They told me to come back if I had symptoms again. I left believing that I had the virus and tried to prepare myself for a new life. I devoured books on the subject and gained some comfort finding out that many people who get STIs are not the "type" who thinks they are at risk. It helped to read other people's stories. I also found myself becoming very angry because herpes was very different from what I was taught in my 8th grade health class. People can have the disease and pass it onto you even if they are not experiencing symptoms and even if they use a condom. It is also possible that your partner does not know he/she is carrying the virus. Symptoms can be very mild, so mild that most people don't know they have it. Had I known these things, maybe I would have made different choices, and maybe I could have protected myself.

I never had clear symptoms again, but because I knew that my symptoms could be very mild I assumed that I was still carrying the virus, so for the next 8 years of my life I lived trying to understand the disease and understand my body. This was not easy at first. I felt like a victim. I felt trapped in my own body. I felt invaded. I assumed every little itch and nuance was an activation of the virus. I no longer felt in control, and I felt less freedom and power over my future; that was the hardest part. The next most difficult part was needing to tell people and be accepted so that I would not feel alone. I was scared. The social stigmas about this disease and people who have it are misguided. I believed people would think I was dirty and/or they would be scared of catching it from me.

Nevertheless, I began to tell friends -- more and more of them over time, and I was relieved to find I was accepted and loved -- with herpes. I did not have one bad experience telling someone. My worst experience by far was with the doctor who diagnosed me. Eventually I got to a point where most of my friends knew and this made it so much easier to deal with. I felt normal because they all treated me normal, and they seemed to be unaffected. They were all caring and loving.

In 2002 I began to date someone who I liked a lot. We discussed herpes in the beginning of the relationship and telling him about it was very difficult for me, even after all of my positive experiences. He told me that it didn't change his desire to be with me, that the relationship was making him too happy. At that time, I discovered there were new tests out for herpes that were very accurate and could distinguish between type 1 (which usually causes cold sores, but also causes genital herpes) and type 2 (usually genital, but sometimes causes oral infections) of the virus. For various reasons it's important to know which type you carry, and I wanted to find out.

I went for the tests and was fortunate to get one of the POCkit Tests before they stopped making them. (Since then, Biokit USA picked up the POCkit technology and is now offering this same test as Biokit-HSV-2 www.herpesdiagnoses.com). This was a very accurate test for type 2 only, and you could find out your results in less than 10 minutes. So, there in the office I discovered I was negative for type 2. This was great news. I assumed that it must be type 1 that I had, but those results would take two weeks. When I called after the standard waiting period, I found out I was negative for type 1 too. I couldn't believe it. I was negative for both types after all this time? After all this time of working through emotions, my self-esteem, being frustrated with doctors, and informing my friends?

That year I started my coaching practice while attending the Institute For Integrative Nutrition. I decided I wanted to dedicate a large part of my practice to helping people with herpes. I also wanted to educate the public and doctors because unfortunately many doctors know very little and are leaving their patients in the dark and confused. I'm passionate about changing this. For clients I provide education and information needed to make sense of what has happened. I answer the many questions that are on their mind and coach them around self-esteem and relationship issues that come up like how to tell a partner and how to protect a partner. I also work with couples to help them understand together how to deal with herpes in the relationship. My experience was a very real and life changing one, and I'm probably more passionate than anything else about giving this community answers and support to live a full life because, in the end, herpes is very manageable, and for most people, only a minor annoyance in their life.

For accurate information and facts on genital herpes, please visit www.westoverheights.com and view the free herpes handbook. For more support, visit my resources page.